Is “Good Girl” Syndrome Stopping Your Success?

“Be a good girl and….”.

Remember those words from your childhood?

Remember how you did everything in your power to be that good girl?


  • Collecting words of praise and gold stars
  • Doing what you were told
  • Getting straight A’s
  • Not making mistakes

You got your head down. Gave the right answers. Coloured between the lines.

You followed the pack. Fitted in. Didn’t make waves.

What’s wrong with that?

Nothing. Unless you grew up believing that’s the only way you could be.

When you do that, your inner flame is gradually dimmed to a flicker. You become a see-through version of your true self. A pale pastel colour that screams out for a touch of vibrancy.

Are you a blah version of yourself?

This « good girl » syndrome tends to come to a head when you want to set big goals and need to rise to the challenge, such as starting your own business or trying to master a foreign language.

As any entrepreneur knows, whether you’re selling a product or a service, the first thing you’re actually doing is selling yourself.

But when you’re intent on staying in that good girl picture frame, you’re going to hit a wall because you’ll be selling the “vanilla” version of you. And, let’s face it, who wants vanilla when there are so many other interesting flavours to choose from?

In short, you and your own special ingredients are missing from the secret recipe to success.

What’s a good girl entrepreneur look like?

Let’s take a closer look to see if you can recognise yourself:

A good girl never feels quite good enough so she needs the validation of others. To do that, she:

  • doesn’t tell stories that are too personal or vulnerable
  • doesn’t disagree or say anything too original or different so as not to rock the boat
  • can’t show up « out there » until she’s read another book or done another course
  • follows her « shoulds » rather than her intuition
  • spends her time re-doing, re-reading and re-writing

What happens when you do this?

You blend in. Like a cameleon. You don’t take risks. You don’t move forward and create impact.

The problem is that you’re too smooth. Perfect. Like a slippery rock, there’s nothing to grab on to. No one can resonate.

You stay passive within the cushioned walls of your comfort zone even though you can never quite get comfortable.

Why? Because there’s an underlying dissatisfaction; you know deep down that you could be so much more.

What about language learning?

And it’s the same when you’re trying to improve a foreign language.

These perfectionist tendencies mean that you rarely speak up because you think you need more before you can speak (more words, more resources, more grammar tips, more passive practice…).

You’re afraid of making mistakes, looking silly or losing credibility. You need to wait until you’ve got that perfect sentence at your fingertips.

So you don’t connect. You stay out of the limelight, at the back of the stage, in the shadows of where you could be.

If you’d only known ONE thing, you could have changed your learning, your business and your life.

The one thing good girls need to know

There is only one reason why you’re not where you want to be today:

You’re unaware of the records playing in your mind. All those “good girl” thought patterns are on default mode.

But you can change them and listen to a different tune. Create a new song.

How do I know? Because I was a good girl too.

What’s the solution? It’s all about the inner work:

  • Managing your mind like you do your agenda.
  • Training your brain to work for you instead of against you so that you can get your power back.

So that you can get back in the driver’s seat of your life and speed off into the horizon, hair messily blowing in the wind with loud whoops of joy.

No more good (or bad) girl.  Just the girl you were born to be.


Want to know more?

Contact me to hear about my “good girl gone green” coaching programs.







Photos courtesy of Unsplash

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